An Ode To The Freckle That I Found On My Thumb Yesterday At Six Minutes Past Two In The Afternoon Subsequently To Putting On Some Spectacles And Demolishing Earth.

Oh freckly, fickly, fanoodling freckle!

How minuscule art thou

So brown like the ground;

Not unlike a small sphere of grainy goat poo

And with such a rounded sound –

Not a tinkle or a skip, but a well balanced eck

How little the freckle

On my thumb,

Or mayhaps,

How large and voluptuous

My thumb is

Compared to the froody,  frowning freckle upon it

Perfect pernumblingly circumferential freckle

Ah! How thee is amazingly freckly, and so froopy!

Thou art such a hoopy freckle,

And I am so happy to have sassed thou

Such a fine freckle thou surely art,

An infinitesimal dot in the crumpled snot-green horizon beyond.


This poem was written in honour of Douglas Adams on Towel Day (25th May, Oh Undevoted Ones), and is in the point of view of a Vogon. That is all you really need to know. But if you haven’t read or watched “The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy”, I urge you to do so – Adams is witty, funny, science-fiction and British (that last one was just for fun, don’t mind me, I have no prejudices against anyone except possibly my brother). I’ve read all of his books, including “The Salmon Of Doubt” which was published posthumously, and enjoyed all of them immensely.


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